


i live to let you shine

by chocobos



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Finn has a little sister, Fluff, M/M, Pining, She's adorable, kill me i hate myself for writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:17:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5704027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocobos/pseuds/chocobos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Took you long enough," Finn says, instead of what he really wants to say which is 'I am stupidly in love with you.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	i live to let you shine

**Author's Note:**

> so. um. this is embarrassing. it's only been a day and i already have another fic to share. guys. i need you to understand how momentous this is because i haven't been this productive in a fandom in _ages_. it usually takes me weeks to finish a 2k fic, and yet here i am, this is over 4k and i wrote it in about 8 hours. 
> 
> anyway. so. this is set in a modern au where both finn and poe attend the same high school. this was inspired by a prompt on tumblr i saw floating around "imagine person a of your otp having a little sister/brother that person b spoils religiously. and person a's sibling is so in love with person b that person a pretends to be jealous. (but really, they love it.)" obviously i tweaked it a bit and it grew really long legs, but here we are.
> 
> i could not get the image of big brother!finn out of my head. so, here. take it. take this filthy pile of fluff that i no longer want to stare at !!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> this isn't beta'd and im half asleep right now so i very well could've missed something grammatically so i apologize! ill clean this up when i wake up tbh

“Is Poe coming over tonight?”

Finn looks up from his thesis paper for AP Literature that he's been putting off since last week, and smiles. His six-year-old sister is staring at him curiously, mouth tilted up hopefully in what he and their parents call her 'Poe Smile.' It's no secret in their household that his baby sister Quinn is absolutely in love with his best friend.

(Not that Finn blames her, Christ. It must be a family affliction.

Finn might be a little bit in love with him too -- or a lot. Not that anyone else knows that, though. Fortunately, he's more skilled at hiding his emotions.)

"He always does," He tells her. "You know he can't go too long without visiting you."

"He was just here  _yesterday_ ," says Quinn, something like awe on her face. Finn has to cough to cover up the snort he can't get a hold on soon enough. 

He ruffles her hair and pulls her onto his lap. "So, do you want me to call him and tell him to not come over then? Since you just saw him yesterday."

She turns around and glares at him. It's just about the cutest damn thing he's ever seen. "No! Finny,  _don't_." 

"Pft," Finn starts, her hair tickling just under his nose. "Don't worry, squirt. Poe wouldn't stay away even if I tried."

Quinn giggles at this, looking extremely pleased. "That's 'cause Poe is the best," she tells him, confidently.

"The absolute best," He agrees, leaning towards her conspiratorially. He puts her back on her feet and gently pushes her towards the living room where he can see her homework on the coffee table. "Remember, though. No playing with Poe until you finish all your homework."

She rolls her eyes at this. "Poe is right. You're no fun."

Finn throws his hand over his heart in mock offense. "Ouch. You guys wound me."

"Poe said to," She uses air quotes, something she definitely picked up from Poe, which they're going to have a talk about later; a six-year-old should not have this level of sass, "Get over it."

He gives her a few seconds before he's up from his chair quickly, putting his hands out in front of him like he's trying to catch her. "Oh,  _oh_. Quinny, that's the last straw." 

Her eyes go big and wide, like saucers, before she squeals and takes off through the living room. 

This, Finn thinks. This is what he wouldn't trade for anything.

 

\---

 

It's a couple hours later when there's a knock at the door.

Quinn is curled on the couch fast asleep. After chasing her around until she got all of her excess energy out, Finn sat her down at the coffee table and helped her with her homework. Not that she needed any help, but just being close to her and watching her work through her homework on her own made him feel like he was helping. Their parents aren't home that often, working long hours just to make ends meet, so more often than not Finn is the one who takes care of her.

He doesn't mind it, not really. His mother texts him frequently for updates to make sure Quinn isn't getting them into trouble, and his dad always makes sure to be home in time to read Quinn her bedtime story. And she's Finn's favorite person, so he likes all of the extra time they get to spend together.

The knocking is starting to get more frequent, Poe growing impatient the longer Finn makes him wait. Finn snorts, and once he gets to the door he opens it with a flourish and a smirk. 

Poe looks as devastatingly attractive as he usually does. He sighs. "Took you long enough," Finn says, instead of what he really wants to say which is 'I am stupidly in love with you' or something equally as embarrassing. 

"Yeah, yeah," Poe waves him off, and shoves his way through the door. Finn shuts the door behind him, which gives him an  _excellent_ view of his ass. "Practice ran over."

"I figured," says Finn. He leads the other boy into the living room, where Quinn is still tucked under the covers. "We'll have to be quiet."

"Damn, that's cute," he says, like Finn doesn't already  _know_. The only person who is as wrapped around her little fingers as much as Finn is happens to be Poe. 

"She told me that you didn't have to come over today since she already saw you yesterday," Finn says, mainly just to hear Poe laugh.

It works, and since he has absolutely no self-preservation when it comes for what he feels for Poe, the sound is so pure and distracting he trips over his own two feet. Smooth, Finn. Smooth.

Poe's eyes darken with concern, but before he can open his mouth there's a very high, very shrill screech of, "Traitor!" from the couch.

They turn in unison, and at any other time it would be hilarious, but right now Finn is too busy feeling guilty over upsetting his little sister. Quinn's glaring at him so harshly Finn's balls may or may not shrivel up a little bit. "Finny. You  _promised_."

Finn clears his throat. He doesn't think 'I told him because I tell him everything about you' would be an appropriate answer right now, but luckily for him, Poe's always been one to take initiative. He's over there by her in three seconds flat, sitting on the edge of the couch where her legs are too short to touch, and smiles at her. 

Poe has different smiles, and Finn keeps a catalog of every single one of them;

Smile #44 is the smile that he uses to charm teachers into letting him have extra time to complete his coursework. Smile #3 is the smile that Finn discovered when they were in middle school, when Finn had first spent the night over Poe's house and he'd been woken up by Poe smiling at him through half-lidded eyes that crinkled at every corner. It had, he recalls, sent Finn's prepubescent little heart into overdrive. Smile #12, is Poe's  _Quinn_ smile, the smile he uses whenever Quinn is complaining about a particularly bad day at school or when she gets frustrated at a problem from her homework. He saves it especially for her. 

It is, without a doubt, the sappiest shit Finn's ever been witness to. And he's as in love with it as he is jealous of it.

(He wonders, idly, is Poe has his own sets of smile just for Finn. It only takes him a few seconds to dismiss it; Finn knows everything about Poe, has spent enough time staring at him when Poe wasn't looking to know he doesn't. Finn would know if Poe did. Poe isn't nearly as slick or subtle as he likes to think he is.

The realization fills him with a heavy sense of dread.)

If someone were to tell him years ago that he would end up jealous of his baby sister, he would've laughed at them. And then he probably would've turned right around and baked them some apology cookies for laughing at them in the first place. He's  _nice_ like that. After all, it's not like it's their fault he didn't think it was a possibility.

It _shouldn't_ be possible to be jealous of a six-year-old. A six-year-old who has no concept of adult relationships and most likely doesn't understand why Finn gets red-faced whenever Poe is around. He takes a moment to be incredibly grateful for this, because he's sure if she knew she would never let him hear the end of it.

Yeah. Quinn is just that insufferable.

"You okay there, bud?" Poe asks, breaking Finn out of his thoughts. He hadn't even realized he'd been standing there for so long, and he flushes with it. Both Poe and Quinn are staring at him in concern, though her eyes are more filled with mischief than anything. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I-- Sorry. Kind of spaced out there, for a sec."

Poe bites his lip at that. Finn has to silently count to twenty so he doesn't do anything rash, like push Poe up against the nearest wall to yell at him about how he needs to  _stop doing that_. "Are you feeling okay? Do you need me to leave?"

Finn shakes his head. "No, nothing like that. I'm just tired, I guess," which is easier than admitting that he literally spaced out romantically perving over his best friend. 

"Alright," Poe says, dubiously. "Quinn and I were just talking about making some cookies, since it's your mothers birthday on Saturday."

There he goes again, Finn says. He's mentally sobbing in romantic frustration. Just when he thinks Poe couldn't surprise him anymore, that there was nothing left on this goddamn planet that Finn wouldn't know about Poe Dameron, he goes and does something like this. He wasn't even aware that Poe knew when his mother's birthday was. How does Poe even find out stuff like this? Finn has no idea. 

"Red velvet are her favorite," Finn says, turning to Quinn who is still seated on the couch. "Cookies for mom's birthday?"

Quinn nods, excited. "Yes! Daddy won't let us cook dinner after what happened last year. Remember?"

Finn blushes bright red the same time that Poe raises an eyebrow at him, and asks, "Last year?"

"Yeah! Finn tried to make mommy her favorite meal but Finn accidentally set the stove and curtains on fire," She giggles, and wow, okay. Finn takes back every nice thing he's ever thought or said about his little sister. She's a scoundrel and awful and he hates her. With every fiber of his being. "Daddy was  _so_ mad."

Finn clears his throat. " _Blasphemy_ ," he hisses. 

And suddenly all of the air seems to get sucked out of the room because Poe is laughing again. Finn's heart starts pumping in his chest erratically at the sound, his body being conditioned for so long to go haywire whenever Poe does something even slightly devastating. His eyes focus on one of the baby crowsfeet at the corner of Poe's eyes and all he can think about is what they taste like, how they'd feel if he ever gave in to the urge to kiss them. He thinks about the kind of noises Poe would make; if he would push him away or pull him closer. 

Finn has to look away. It's too much and not enough at the same time. 

"Man, I'm not even surprised," Poe tells him, and Finn feels his stomach drop out at the glint in Poe's eyes. Oh  _no_. This can't be good. Poe leans even closer to Quinn and it makes her giggle. "There was one time last summer when Finn and I decided to try and make chicken nuggets 'cause we were  _starving_ ," He emphasizes this especially. "He blew up our microwave."

Quinn's laugh lights up the entire room, and Finn finds that he can't even be mad about this; at Poe. "You blew up their microwave?"

"Tell your mom I'm really sorry about that. Again." Finn rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. 

Instead of answering right away, Poe just smiles at him, leans over to place a comforting hand on whatever bit of Finn he can reach this time. It's his wrist. "And she'll just tell you that it's okay. Again. She did get a new microwave out of it, you know. Whatever. I don't think she's too bent out of shape about it."

"Right." Finn smiles. He waits a beat, two, and then claps his hands together softly. "So. Cookie time?"

Both Quinn and Poe grin at him.

"Cookie time," They confirm.

 

\---

 

The next morning, Finn is just about to throw on one of his jackets when he spots Quinn sitting at the counter. The bowl of cereal their dad always gets ready for her sits in the sink to her left, and she's fixing him with this  _look_ that Finn doesn't know what to make of. It reminds him so much of their mother. 

"We need to talk," Quinn says, the type of serious that only six-year-olds can be.

The corners of Finn's mouth start twitching. "What about?"

"You need to tell Poe, Finny."

Finn blinks. "Tell Poe what?"

"The way you feel about him, silly."

Nope. No. Not a chance. They are not having this conversation right now; Finn is most definitely hallucinating. "He's my best friend. That's how I feel about him."

"Don't you like him?"

Finn forces himself to breathe calmly through his nose. "Like him? Quinny, of course I like him. He's my best friend." 

She sighs like he's being difficult. He doesn't really blame her. "I mean like  _like_." 

"Huh. Well. That's a weird question."

"Rey was right," She says, mostly to herself.

"What?" Finn does not like the sound of this, not at all. Rey putting  _ideas_ into Quinn's head is never a good thing. The last time Rey spent quality time with his baby sister his entire room was covered in toilet paper and glitter. His favorite pair of slippers still track the stuff through the house sometimes -- which, honestly, Rey? Going for his favorites was unnecessarily cruel. 

"She said you would say that."

"Rey needs to learn to keep her mouth shut." He grumbles to himself.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." Finn says and pets her hair awkwardly. "Well! This chat has been great, Quinny, glad we could have it. But, I have to get to school."

She doesn't look impressed by this. "Finn--"

He kisses her forehead. "Mom'll be down soon to take you, remember." And with that, he makes a hasty escape, bolting through his front door with a speed he wasn't even aware he was capable of.

At least today can't get worse, he tells himself.

 

\---

 

It gets worse.

In his determination to getting away from his sister and her uncomfortable questioning, he forgot his jacket. On a normal day, it really wouldn't matter, but today there's a thin layer of snow on the ground (because of course there is; at this point Finn's convinced the world is out to get him) which means it's freezing outside, and all he has to battle the freezing cold is a thin sweater and a battered pair of jeans. His car also managed to get a flat tire a few blocks away from school, and since he can't be afford to wait until they got around to towing it for him, he has to call them to tell them just to pick it up without him and run his way to school so he's not too late.

It is, all things considered, probably one of his worst mornings. 

 

\---

 

It's right before fourth period when Finn runs into Poe.

He's no longer wet from his run to school, but the chill from this morning has seeped into his bones by now. He's freezing, and only the last remaining shred of his dignity is keeping him from asking someone if they have a spare blanket or coat he can curl into. 

"There you are," Poe says, clapping him on the shoulder.

Finn tries very hard not to focus on the warmth seeping in from that one simple point of contact.

"Like I'd be anywhere else," Finn snorts.

"Uh huh. Then explain how I couldn't find you this morning." Poe squints at him. Finn has to ask whatever higher being is listening for strength. 

"Oh, yeah. Uh, my car sort of got a flat tire? So I had to run the rest of the way to school."

Poe's eyes widen. "I can give you a ride home, if you want."

Finn didn't mind the walk home as it wasn't very far, but he has to admit a car ride home with Poe is way more appealing. 

"Don't you have practice today?"

"Nah. Coach cancelled it." Poe waves him off, and then squints at him harder. His expression clears after a couple moments, and suddenly he's peeling off his jacket. "Christ, man. You're shaking."

Finn looks down. Huh. Would you look at that, he  _is_ shaking.

"I forgot my jacket at home," Finn tells him. 

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

Finn blinks. "Um. About my forgotten jacket?"

"About being cold, you idiot." Poe sighs, put-upon and exasperated. He pushes his jacket into Finn's hands. It's warm and soft and smells like Poe, like warm sunshine and the first hint of spring and spices that have always just been...well.  _Poe_. 

"I can't take this," Finn says, though his fingers are already betraying him, curling around it before he can even try to stop himself. 

"Oh, yes. You most certainly can. You're cold, Finn. And look at that! I have a jacket. A jacket, which, you can use. So  _use_ it."

"Poe--"

"Nope, none of that. I'm not going to sit here and watch you shiver to death."

Finn snorts. "Technically you're not going to watch me do anything. We're not in the same class right now."

"Just take the damn jacket, Finn"

His heart grows three sizes as he slips the jacket around his shoulders, and he can't help but smile. "Hey. Thanks."

"Anytime, buddy." Poe tells him. The bell rings above them, and he curses. "See you at lunch?"

Finn smiles. "Of course."

  
  
\---

 

Poe meets him at his locker after final bell.

The other boy appears at Finn's side in between one blink and the next. "Your chariot awaits."

Finn looks up, raising an eyebrow. "Huh. Remind me to stop letting Quinn make you watch Disney movies. I think they're finally getting to you."

Poe throws his head back and laughs. Finn wants to track the sound with his tongue. "Don't say that. You can never have enough Disney."

Finn looks into the abyss of his locker for an answer. He can't go on like this. He's not sure how much longer he can take being this close to Poe without doing something about it. Especially after this morning. He gives it a few seconds, but unfortunately nothing comes but the stench of old cheese. He makes the mental note to figure that out at a later date, and turns to his best friend.

"Normally, I would agree with you. But my sister once forced me to watch Snow White with her every night for six months straight. Six. Months.  _Straight_." 

Poe laughs. "Touche," he says, and having recognized that Finn is more than comfortable with staying at his locker for way too long, he gently peels Finn away so he can lead them both to his car.

(There is nowhere Poe could lead him where Finn won't be prepared to follow.)

 

\---

 

 

"You gonna come in?"

Poe looks over at him, hands loosely holding the steering wheel. Finn has never seen him look more attractive, his curly dark brown hair like a halo around his face. He's knocked breathless by it, is always rendered speechless around Poe. 

"Mm, yeah." Poe says. "Want me to drive you to go get your car when it's ready?"

Finn shakes his head. "Poe. You've already done enough."

"I don't mind."

"Thank you," Finn says, sincerely, knowing when he's fighting a losing battle. 

Poe just smiles at him. Finn's totally screwed.

 

 

\---

 

In the end, it happens when Finn least expects it.

They're on Finn's bed, watching some random movie that was already playing when they flicked his TV on. Poe is watching the screen, his dark eyelashes fanning across his cheeks every time he laughs at something a character says, and Finn doesn't know how to look away this time. It seems like Finn is always watching Poe. In the hallways, whenever they play hide and seek in the living room with Quinn, in the quiet moments when Poe is doing homework with his pencil crammed between his full lips. But this is the first time Finn hasn't forced himself to look away.

It's also the first time Poe catches him. 

He's instantly filled to the brim in panic. There's only so many reasons you can have to stare at your best friend like this, and Finn can't grasp at  _any_ of them. When he meets Poe's eyes, he's not sure what he's expecting to find there, but it's definitely not the outright adoration he sees. 

"I--" Finn stammers. 

Poe leans forward. "You're going to be the death of me," He whispers, and brings up one beautiful, calloused hand to trace along Finn's cheekbones. It sets his skin ablaze. "Do you know that?"

"I -- um. What?" Finn is still stuck on Poe's  _hand_ on his  _face_. 

Poe takes a deep breath, as if to center himself. "You're going to be the death of me," Poe repeats, though he doesn't have to. "Since the day I met you, you always have been."

"Poe, I--"

"I'm going to kiss you now," Poe tells him, like he's talking about the weather or one of Quinn's dance recitals, not like he's about to destroy Finn completely. "Is that alright?"

He's struck speechless for a moment, his mind playing 'I'm going to kiss you now' on a loop. Finn feels dizzy, like his tongue is too big for his mouth, and like his heart is about to explode. This is everything he's ever wanted and he doesn't quite believe it's real. There has to be a catch, he thinks.

 _Or_ , his mind helpfully supplies,  _you could just kiss him._

Or, Finn decides. Or, he could just kiss him.

"Please." 

Poe responds instantly, curving towards Finn on an exhale. Their lips meet somewhere in the middle, but the angle is all wrong and Finn is more nervous than he is confident, so their teeth clash together harshly. Poe's lips are soft underneath his, smooth like velvet, and despite the ringing in his head Finn doesn't want to stop. Poe pulls away after a few seconds, licking his lips in a daze, and it's then that Finn makes his decision. He pushes forward, angling his head a little bit more comfortably so this time when their mouths meet again their lips fit together.

Poe tastes like peppermint gum and the pizza they had for lunch and Finn knows, he knows he's never tasted anything better.

When they pull away, this time, Poe rests their foreheads together. "I've been wanting to do that for a long, long time."

Impossibly, Finn feels even lighter at this. "How long?"

"Since that time you punched Ben in the throat for ruining my paper mâché fighter jet."

Finn chokes. "Poe. That happened in the third grade."

"Yeah," Poe smiles. "It's been a long time."

"Me too," Finn whispers, because of all the things Poe deserves to know, this is at the top of the list. "For so long, Poe."

"Yeah?" Poe nuzzles into his throat. Finn absolutely melts, suddenly grateful that they're already on a solid surface. 

"Yeah," Finn says, and then he laughs. "I guess Quinn was right."

Poe nips at a particularly sensitive spot. Finn yelps. "About what?"

"She told me this morning to tell you how I felt about you," says Finn, going for broke. It's not like Poe doesn't already know how he feels about him, anyway.

"Of course she was right," Poe snorts, trailing his kisses from his neck up Finn's jawline. "She's always known how I felt about you."

What. "What?"

"I mean... I never told her explicitly or anything," Poe says, punctuating this with a kiss to the corner of Finn's mouth. Finn tries to chase him but he pulls away with a smile. "But. Well. I talk about you enough. It doesn't take a genius to figure out."

"You guys talk about me?" Finn asks, burying his fingers into Poe's hair, mainly to see if it's as soft as it looks.

(It is.)

"Part of the reason we like each other so much is because we talk about how much we love  _you_." Poe tells him, honest and unashamed and it fills Finn with so much emotion that his grip on Poe tightens.

"Love?"

"Yeah," Poe breathes into his skin. Gods, Finn still can't believe this is happening. He never wants to let this go. "Love."

Finn hooks a finger under Poe's chin so he can kiss him again. The kiss is hurried, this time, nothing sweet or gentle about it. Finn brings one of his hands to dig into the skin at Poe's waist, tightening the other one in his hair. Poe melts into the kiss, body surging against his own, and Finn has no idea how long they stay there. 

When they finally pull away, Finn reaches out to hold Poe's hand. "Me too. I mean. I love you too. You know that, right?"

Poe beams at him, squeezing his hand. It's the best thing Finn has ever felt. "I know." 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> some fun facts: 
> 
> \+ both mine and poe dameron's favorite thing is to talk about how much we love finn, so i figured he'd definitely use it as a bonding experience with finn's baby sister because poe is a shameless creature. and of course everyone absolutely adores finn  
> \+ idc what you say, rey would totally spend some of her free time pranking finn to make him smile  
> \+ ik the jacket trope is probably rlly overdone by now but i am weak for it so here it is guys im so sorry (im rlly not)  
> \+ kids are fucking smart, man. i swear my five-year-old nephew has a better vocabulary than i do, which is why quinn totally knows about finn's feelings for poe, okay hell ya  
> \+ big brother finn is SO important to me now. like. he would be the best big brother in the world, okay. i just want finn to be happy and have a family. OK. that's all i want!!!  
> \+ title is taken from the gregory & the hawke song 'boats and birds' because it's one of my favorites and i definitely think it fits these two nerds extremely well  
> \+ i wrote half of this while high on cough medicine for my bronchitis, so im sorry if some of this seems oddly paced or ooc
> 
> lastly don't forget ur always welcome to chat with me about these two space gays (@babemeron) on my tumblr if u want!


End file.
